Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
