Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm too high and old for this...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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