Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize