So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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