Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
