is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
