Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
this just has baby written all over it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
