i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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