Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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