Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
