so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize