I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
