My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
