I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
