So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
