i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
