He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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