I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
