Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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