I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
