he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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