There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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