i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
