You can't motorboat a personality
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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