My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
