At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
