Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
