she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize