Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize