I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
