I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
