I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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