p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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