I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I am available for nakedness
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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