OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
