Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
