I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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