Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
