If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize