stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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