Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
