I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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