Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize