well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
