Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
