It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
