So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
