So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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