Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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