cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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