Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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