Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
