I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
