alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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