separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
