Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think people are normalizing furries
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
