Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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