it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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