good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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