I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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