I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
