What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize