You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
